Kids are adorable and hence everyone likes to appreciate and love them. They are just God’s gift to mankind in the shape of angels who just make everyone fall in love with them. Right from birth to the day when they are actually independent, no one can remain unaffected by the charm of kids.
Parents too, are attached emotionally to their children. They try in every way to make the lives of the kids comfortable so that the children can get all the facilities and support that they need for the healthy growth of mind and body. But, sometimes things go wrong and here is how parents spoil kids themselves.
Of course, parents must do whatever they can within their limits for the better future of their kids. In fact, no other person, enterprise or group can replace the commitment and sincerity that the parents have towards their kid’s well-being.
Thus, the position of parents is that of the highest entity, who knows their child the best and who can make the best decisions for them. In fact, those kids are lucky whose parents are right there for them, guiding them and seeing them through, during any tough times for the child. And for small kids, the parents are just like God-sent representatives who take care of them when they are too young and helpless.
How parents spoil kids and the corrective measures
However, despite the best efforts of the parents for shaping a better life for the child, they sometimes can go horribly wrong. Of course, this is never intentional but the reality is that it does have its negative effects on the child. In the pursuit of being the best parents, they make some simple but substantial mistakes that are totally avoidable.
Just a little thought towards this too and they are well on course towards being the best parents for the kid. So, some corrective measures if taken on time or well before making any mistake will go a long way in shaping a better life for kids.
So, while every effort should be made so that the kids get what is best for them, we should still be watchful of any wrong move too. Any small mistakes made repeatedly in the course of time may set a bad precedent and that is how parents may end up spoiling their kids. Showering love and affection towards the kid is necessary but there are always riders associated with it. Better to be cautious and check for any mistake rather than repent later on.
Therefore, we shall try to find out some of the actions or decisions of parents and how parents spoil kids. Also, we will try to find the remedies or the corrective measures for it.
Being overprotective of the child is how parents spoil kids
Some parents are just too possessive about their kids that they start to over-protect them. A genuine concern about the child is perfectly fine and essential too. After all, your kids are counting on you only for every need and want in their lives.
But, have we ever imagined how this overprotection is actually making your kid a dependable person for his future life? We can understand this through some examples.
Taking off the burden of homework from kids
For every assignment to your kid from school, we start to take the entire burden on ourselves. Of course, the kid has to be guided and helped out in his task wherever it needs. But at the same time, your kid needs to understand that homework is a task given to him or her only.
So, the studies have to be done by them only and not their parents. Parents nowadays start to scratch their heads on every assignment of the kid which is not doing any good to your child.
Defending it for any mistake done and that’s how parents spoil kids
For any mistake of the kid, the parents or at least one of the parents start to defend it needlessly. This thing does have its own drawbacks when the kid feels protective all the time. It will never think twice before doing any forbidden task in the future with this kind of attitude of parents.
A kid never getting to hear a word or two from parents on a mistake done, would do more harm in the future. It gradually encourages them to do more experiments like the earlier ones, as they won’t realize any harm in doing so. Once given a free hand on any mistake serves as a recipe for a disaster later on.
Surrounding it with gadgetry
In an endeavour to make your kid enjoy every facility of life, parents surround their kids with all the electronic and electric gadgets. One can understand that every parent wants their child to have an obstacle-free life, but too much is not good. We tend to give them mobiles, laptops, music devices, access to full internet, branded clothes, round-the-clock AC facility, car to go everywhere, etc. But is this required on a large scale?
Stopping the kid from socializing
Sometimes, we tend to stop kids from mixing with other children in the park or in the neighbourhood. The reason is that we fear the kid getting infected. Or else, falling ill due to the poor hygiene of other people with whom the kid comes in contact. By doing this, we are actually stopping the kid from socializing which is very important. By mixing with other kids only, the kid is going to explore the outer world.
Somewhere, a line needs to be drawn and make your kid work it out a little so that it sees life through close quarters. By being overprotective, not only are we weakening the kid’s immune system but are spoiling the kid too in the process. Let your kid start to take life in its stride and be independent as quickly as it can. Life is not easy for anyone and by being overprotective, we are making it more difficult for them.
Being too liberal with the kids is how parents spoil kids
Nowadays, it is considered a symbol of high society, if you are too liberal with your kids. To sound nice, the parents start to give all the independence to kids in every matter. Whether it is the decision of selecting the car, clothes, vacations, etc. This may seem to be a great quality of parents, allowing the kids to be self-reliant and independent.
In the first instance, it is a good habit not to pressure the kids into making decisions. In fact, in today’s world, freedom to make decisions is key to making your kids strong mentally. However, at times this doesn’t work like that and things go wrong unexpectedly. So, in a way, being too liberal is how parents spoil kids.
Allowing them full control is how parents spoil kids
Kids often due to inexperience and immaturity, may end up being on the wrong side of things. Some important decisions need parental intervention. Too much liberalism can lead to a difficult situation for the kids.
For example, if you allow the kids to make a decision regarding the purchase of a car, it may or may not turn out to be a good decision. You being experienced enough may select the best among them considering all pros and cons, But your kid may go for something flashy and fast-moving, neglecting the safety features.
Be open with kids but remain involved too
Although parents need to be open in their approach towards the kids but should be involved too. Being informative about children’s lives actually is in favour of everyone. The kids will never falter and the parents too, won’t have to face any disappointment at the end. Your timely guidance and experienced approach may help a lot in these situations. Therefore, be liberal but have an eye on the situations arising out of it. This will save your kids from being spoiled.
Belittling the kids every now and then is how parents spoil kids
One of the habits of parents is the perception that they can never go wrong. This attitude is not right anyway too, even while dealing with mature people, leaving the kids alongside. We are all humans and being humans, we are prone to making mistakes and wrong decisions. Obviously, there is no person who doesn’t make mistakes. But it is a very bad habit to shift the blame on others in order to prove ourselves right. The same approach we adopt towards the kids too.
While having a high opinion of ourselves, we tend to think that we can never go wrong with anything. And it is in this overconfidence, that parents start to belittle their kids. The worst part is that sometimes we do that in front of others like helpers, family friends or the kid’s own friends.
Parents induce negativity in the kid
Anything the kids say or want to put forth as their viewpoint, we ignore and avoid hearing. This ignoring of the kids’ opinions, however small or big it is, has a very negative impact on the kid. As a parent, our job is to give confidence to the kid, but the reverse happens. We either laugh at the kid or just ask him or her to keep quiet.
The argument we put forth to the kid is “You don’t know anything” or “What do you know about it” or “Just keep quiet, you have no knowledge”. This is a big factor in spoiling the temperament and confidence of the kid. By hearing these statements time and again, the kid gets negative vibes from parents. These sarcastic words are not going to help the kids at all.
We need to allow the child to express himself and encourage it
Instead of belittling our child in front of others or otherwise, we need to send positive vibes to the kid. Even if we know that the kid is immature and will make mistakes, we need to ignore these mistakes. They do make silly mistakes as they are inexperienced.
However, that does not mean we should belittle them or ridicule them. This trait will be remembered by the kid even when he or she grows up. It can have a psychological impact on the mind of the kid which can hamper its mental growth and dent its confidence. Therefore, allow the kids to express themselves and let them make mistakes as they can only learn by faltering and rising again.
Wanting kids to imitate or follow you is how parents spoil kids
Some highly self-opinionated parents try to relive their lives by seeing their kids as their shadows. In this desire, they expect their kids to get inspired by their parent’s achievements (whatever they are) and follow them. Kids surely are an extension of their parents but it never means that they don’t have their own personalities.
By forcing this expectation on the kids, the parents are doing more harm to their own kids. Expressing this expectation time and again to kids, is how parents spoil kids in the process.
Trying to make up for own shortcomings through kids
Parents forget that each individual has their own learning and experiences to bank upon. Definitely, no one has a perfect life but life still has to go on with whatever we have. Our life is the outcome of our deeds and thoughts and we are fully responsible for whatever has happened in our life.
Definitely, there may be proud moments and some regrets in our lives, but that does not mean that our shortcomings are to be filled up by our children. If they do something on their own which can help us in any way, then that is good. But otherwise, parents should not expect their kids to stitch their torn patches of life and work towards making the parent’s life better.
For example, a dejected father who could not become a doctor tries to fulfil his dream through his child. The moment a child is born, it is deemed to be a second chance by the father. However, when the child grows in such an environment where every move is calculated and weighed in accordance with the unfilled desires of the parent, the kid gets confused.
The kid is caught in a state between his or her own self and those of parents. So, they start to live their life as per their parent’s wishes. The result is that it is not able to live even its own life and is forced to follow the footprints of the father. This expectation spoils the kid’s personality and as expected, doesn’t grow to its full potential.
Let the child live its own life
The best strategy for the parents is to let the child live their own life. No amount of stress or pressure is beneficial to the kid, even though it may culminate in the fulfilment of the parent’s unfulfilled desires. The child may work as per the parent’s pressure but its own personality will be underdeveloped. Your kid may look like a perfect and disciplined child to you, but internally the kid is psychologically affected.
The potential of the kid will always remain hidden in an attempt to live the life that the parents want from him or her. Therefore, don’t force your child to follow you or your ways of life. If the kid does that himself, then it is a natural inspiration to him or her, but not by force. Who knows, the kid may excel in whatever it does, even more than the unsatisfied parent’s achievements.
Fighting in front of kids is how parents spoil kids
One of the bad habits of parents of small kids is arguing and even fighting in front of the kids. The kind of impact that the kids have on the psyche is horrible and the trauma of this remains forever with the kid. Having disagreements between individuals is natural. However, whatever we portray in front of the child will reflect on his personality.
Be a little cautious in front of the kid
Being adults, there should be certain boundaries in our behaviour, in front of kids, especially when they are small. Even if the issue is very important and worth discussing, it can be avoided in front of the small kid. Whatever happens at home in front of the kid, the impression of the same will last very long in its life. The fights and arguments have a very disturbing effect on the young impressionable mind. These incidents generate very negative vibes and have an effect on the performance of the kid, be it studies, sports or while socializing with others.
Sometimes arguments turn ugly too
Sometimes these heated arguments take a very ugly shape and result in even violence in extreme cases. In a fit of rage, the father or mother throws whatever they can find on the ground or even in some cases on each other. This creates a lot of disturbance and turbulence in the home and has a direct impact on the young child. Henceforth, whatever the child does in school or in games, the impact of these incidents will reflect on the child’s report card. Thus, it is a direct reason how parents spoil kids through their behaviour.
Take a break and cool things down
It is better if we let the discussion on important topics take a backseat at least in front of the kid. You can discuss it later on when the kid is not around. Anyways, we should try to shape the future of our kids in a good and peaceful environment only. At least, the kid should take only positivity from parents which will do a lot of good to its future also.
Comparing with other children is also how parents spoil kids
It is usually found that when kids don’t do well in their studies or they make a mistake, the parents start to scold them or compare them with others. Every child is different and by no means your kid is inferior to any other child. However, our expectations being too much, we start to ignore other qualities that your child may have and start comparing them. This is not a good habit and rather works in the opposite direction. We don’t realize that it will have a negative effect on our kids.
Constant scolding and comparing is irritating to your kid
Parents may think that comparing their kids with others may encourage them to perform better. However, it may or may not happen actually. It can happen that it may further irritate the kid. The irritating sentences for the kid are “See how your friend has been doing at studies” or “The neighbour’s son is too good at maths, ours is just dumb” or “My friend’s daughter has secured 1st position in class and our kid has just managed to pass” and so on.
Things like these won’t always encourage your kid to do better but may even spoil him or her. Your kid may think, “Whatever I do, my parents are anyways going to complain or compare me with others”. It will think “my parents always insult me in front of others, so I also don’t care now”. This may even turn your kid into a difficult child for you to manage in the future.
Always consider your kid’s feelings too
You should always remember that not valuing your child and constantly comparing it with others, will make it weak. The kid may develop a sense of inferiority complex and may not come out of this mental block. Other kids may be more fast learners or good at sports but do give credit to your child too. Even if there is a scope for much improvement, still highlight the positives of your kid. In fact, appreciating your kid in front of others will do wonders for his confidence. By comparing your kids with other children, you are depriving them of what they can achieve in life with just some encouragement.
Yelling, hitting, scolding or giving stress to the kid
At times, parents become abusive with kids and start hitting, yelling or scolding them. This must not take place, especially when the kid is small. There are other ways to make the kid understand rather than getting angry or hitting it. Discipline can’t be implemented when there is no respect and by hitting or yelling you are losing that respect in the eyes of a child. This harsh behaviour explains how parents spoil kids at a young age.
You are inviting trouble for the future
Yelling at the child or hitting it may seem an easy way for you, to make your kid fall in line. But in the long run, you are inviting trouble. These incidents remain in the subconscious mind of the child and may encourage the kid to do the same when it grows up. So, for any fault of parents in old age, the same kid may return the favours by scolding or yelling at them. And you can’t complain too, for he or she may remind you of doing the same when they were young. Definitely, you won’t want that thing in the future.
Be more empathetic and rational in approach
Since nothing can be achieved by being unnecessarily tough and rude, therefore the best way is, to sound more rational in approach. The kid should be taught in a firm but polite way. There are many ways to punish the kids. But it has to be done without sounding harsh. Your kid will respect you more when it grows up. Being a little patient in the early years of their kid will do wonders for the confidence of the kid and build a beautiful relationship between you and your kid.
Inconsistency in Punishments is how parents spoil kids
One day, when the kid makes a mistake, you punish it severely. But for the same mistake the other day, you let it go just because you had been promoted in the office that day. This inconsistency is also a reason how parents spoil kids at home.
Being inconsistent in approach towards punishment
Although, the punishment for any mistake is decided by you, it should be a consistent affair. For example, your little son has taken the cycle out on the main road, despite you warning him against it. He does this frequently for two weeks.
While in the first week, on learning about this indiscipline, you didn’t allow him to use the cycle for two days because you were upset with this. However, the second time, you just smiled and told him “You are too naughty” because it was a good day at the office. This approach is totally wrong and this is how parents spoil kids. Being a little consistent with punishments will impart discipline and a careful approach to your kid.
Just walk the talk with the kid
Be persistent in your behaviour and set the rules. If it was punishment in the first week, repeat the same treatment next time too, so that the kid gets the point. By doing this, your kid gets the message that he may be deprived of cycling for two days, every time he thinks to take the bicycle on the road, even after being told to not do so by you. Being true to your words will certainly increase your respect in your kid’s eyes.
Parents arguing with each other in front of the kid
It is not necessary that all our conversations happen in front of the kids. The reason is that at times there will be disagreements and arguments which the kid will always be noting. And more often, we may not notice the kid noticing this. The parents should talk in a formal tone in front of the kid.
The kid takes a cue and acts accordingly
The kid observes all our conversations and notes them. When it is clear to kids that parents have ego issues, they manipulate the situation. Kids are very fast in analyzing that there exists a thin wall of disagreement between their parents. When one parent does not agree with the other’s viewpoint, it may culminate in an argument. This gives rise to unwanted situations and should be avoided.
The kid may pit one parent against the other while it has to get permission for an unreasonable demand. For example, when the father gives in to the demand of the kid to play and the mother disallows it, it means disagreement. The kid will try to plead to one parent as it knows that the other parent will be made to agree. But this is how parents spoil kids actually, as the kid manipulates the situation by exposing parents’ weaknesses.
Be firm, and if one parent has ordered against doing anything to the kid, the other parent should respect that. The kid should know that there is no scope for manipulation. Let the kid know that a ‘No’ from one parent also means a ‘No’ from the other parent.
Not allocating household chores to kids is how parents spoil kids
Sometimes parents avoid giving any task to the kid due to affection. But we need to understand that the kid needs to be aware of its surroundings and the things around it. By keeping it out of household chores, you are doing nothing good for the kid.
Keeping the child out of doing chores
By not involving the kids in the household chores, you are actually spoiling the kids. You are not only depriving it of the valuable experience it can gain from it but also are making it under-confident. Sooner or later, the kid has to do these tasks and then it will be difficult for it to perform the tasks. Also, the kids do not take any responsibility, thinking that their parents are going to take care of everything. So lethargy, inexperience and work shirking become the traits of the kid.
Involve your kids in every task in a phased manner
Just make sure to introduce your kid to all the household chores. This will give it confidence and then necessary training for the future. You must distribute the chores in a phased manner. Also, these need to be as per the age of the kid. Therefore, instead of spoiling the kid, just make it work on something useful activity.
Some other ways how parents spoil kids:
- Bad-mouthing or disrespecting own parents in front of the kids.
- Smoking, drinking or saying bad words like slang, etc., in front of kids.
- Not imparting lessons on social issues, morals and ethics to kids when they are young.
- Not acting on any bad behaviour of the child when it is young.
- Pitting siblings against each other for better competition.
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